Jonathan Flaks Coaching

There is a lot of power in commitment, in the willingness to do whatever it takes to reach a goal and fulfill your purpose and values.

Some feel that commitment involves a sacrificing of freedom, and it does require some surrender of the “I can do whatever I wanna” form of freedom.

But securing a sustainable life that you love and can count on is a greater freedom afforded to you by discipline, structure and commitment.

An executive coaching client of mine recently discussed making that trade-off – trading in the fear and pain of sacrifice for the joy and security of commitment.  All of our most exciting goals are made possible and sustainable by virtue of commitment.  For more motivational words on the subject, click below to listen or follow the link to download the short audio recording.

On any given day, you can look back at your performance in whatever you are doing and characterize it as part of a peak, a pothole or a plateau.  

Peaks are the days when we are at our best and even perform beyond what we thought we could achieve, potholes are the worst days when we can’t seem to get out of our own way, and plateaus are those “could be better, could be worse,” run-of-the-mill days that fill the in-between.  As an executive coach, for entrepreneurs and professionals, I am often asked by clients on how to deal with the roller coaster that running a business can be.

Press play below to listen to some insights for a sustainable growth mindset, or use the download link to save the audio for yourself.

This week, I didn’t plan any topic for discussion—on purpose.

You see, I’m doing a study of spontaneity in my own life.  My guru on the subject is my 12-year-old son, and my education began a few years ago when we did a road trip together.

I used to plan vacations and road trips meticulously, every stop and every hotel and every mile of road mapped out to make sure we get where we want to go, on time.   And in 2010, my son and I (he was 10 at the time) made it to The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, our ultimate destination, right on schedule.

It was awesome and everything about the trip so far was perfect.

Heading back, though, spontaneity (disguised, at first, as a major bummer) introduced itself into our plans: the water park we were intending to go to was closed.  We went an hour and a half back west instead of east as planned, and that afternoon, found a place to rent a sailboat for the day.

Then, the guy who chartered it for us invited us to race that night--so instead of heading back east, now we’re out racing all evening. The next morning, after camping out and going to the water park, we were 24 hours off our plan.

And you know what—that return leg, so off-schedule and off-course, ended up being the highlight of our trip.

That’s when I got that sometimes, there’s something even better than plans working out “perfectly.” When spontaneity changes your plans, sometimes you get magic.

There are even more insights about balancing planning with spontaneity on the recording… listen by clicking the link below. 

I’m going to discuss some of the elements that confidence is made of, and some practices that build it. This coming Thursday, April 19, during my free tele-coaching tele-seminar, I’ll be going more in-depth on the topic…but for now, here’s a basic primer on this essential life ingredient.

So, what is confidence?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, confidence includes the following three aspects:  1) a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances; 2) the quality or state of being certain; and 3) a relation of trust.

In short, confidence is a product of faith, knowing and trusting. This makes it clear that confidence is both a practical and spiritual matter. It is both situational—related to circumstances in our life—as well as being the underlying fabric of our experience. Every day, how we feel about life, can be related directly to our sense of confidence.
This underlying confidence could be described as sustaining a feeling of “being OK with” the fact that things may or may not work out the way you want, the way you expect or the way you plan, but every day you are creating what’s next!

Here are some practices that will help build a stronger foundation of confidence.  

Practice Faith:  Whether it’s prayer, meditation, visualization or just positive self-talk – do whatever lets you accept and believe in the wholeness and interconnectedness of everything.  Knowing that your mental projection of the world creates your “reality” but isn’t in itself the whole picture, can help you realize that everything will all work out whether or not we worry about it. I call it the “I am but a speck of dust” stress relief approach. It kind of puts things into perspective  - like getting upset when a YouTube video doesn’t download fast enough.

Practice Trust: Trust in yourself and your infinite creativity and resourcefulness. Knowing that you are capable and competent, you can step outside your comfort zone with courage… knowing that your courage will create solid-gold confidence. REMEMBER that everything new you’ve succeeded at, and every setback and failure you’ve learned from, have prepared you for the next stretch.

Practice Preparation: Confidence as a practical matter is knowing what you know, and knowing it cold, which comes from preparation. When dealing with presentations, meetings, writing, relationship talks, or any challenge, being prepared lets you access confidence. This practice also includes knowing when to say, ‘This is beyond what I had prepared for today… let me get back to you on that.”  And then BLOWING THEM AWAY with what you bring forth, when you come back with additional preparation for your conversation or task.

When you build confidence with these practices, you can create a magnetic attitude of joy, humility and service that is a hallmark of leaders and high-income earners.

So—what situation could you bring a new level of confidence to this week, by connecting to the spiritual bigger picture, trusting in yourself, and preparing yourself well? It’s really possible to have confidence be your constant experience every day—and enjoy it. Happy practicing and don’t forget to dial in on Thursday - it’s free.  For more information, go to  www.jfcoach.com/monthly-tc

To listen to this week's Monday Morning Mini-Motivation Meeting, click play or download mp3.

The past few seasons have been characterized by weird weather. Snow in Autumn—not just flurries, but a blizzard. Then, not a single snowflake for the rest of Winter. The first day of Spring, temperatures in the 70’s. And the beginning of April, freezing rain and bitter cold.

Aside from global warming concerns, all this weather represented a mental challenge: how to deal with things that don’t go as planned.

We humans like things to go as they “always do,” or as we think they “should.” And when things don’t go as planned, we experience frustration, aggravation and stress. The good news is that it IS possible to deal with change and unpredictability in a healthy and empowered way. We are neither at the mercy of the change itself, nor our reaction to it.

To do this, remember the three R’s: Resilience, Resourcefulness, and Rebounding Quickly.

Resilience: Resilience depends on accepting change, which depends on dealing with, quickly and directly, the immediate state of aggravation, frustration, or sadness. Take a moment (under your breath or to a sympatheic listener) to say, “Yeecccch,” or whatever expletives you need to use.  You will be able to move on more quickly, if you slow down a bit, “be with” that uncomfortable emotion, and let it out.

Resourcefulness:  Immediately consider, what are your options? What can you do to turn the situation into a positive?  I’m a big believer in “stick with Plan A unless there is a REALLY, REALLY good reason.  Then, to consider your options, talk it through with someone who might be unbiased and helpful as a thinking partner, or work through some thoughts on paper.

Rebound Quickly: Make a choice and take action. Hopefully it’s the right choice but if not, you’ll learn quickly, and then simply make another choice and take another action.  No matter what, you’ll be moving forward in a new direction, and you can adjust your course as you go.

A good example of this process might be a work situation, where someone you expected would be available to do a task, and they’re not. They don’t show up and the work isn’t done on time. What do you do? Well, first, you might get upset. Then you might express your upset feelings. After that, to create a positive outcome for the situation, you might devise a backup plan to make sure the work gets done on time in the future.

How about you? What might you do to de-stress, consider your options, and take new actions, as you encounter changes in plans or in the environment? Let me know: I love hearing about your news, your questions, your challenges, and your victories.

To listen to this week's Monday Morning Mini-Motivation Meeting, click play or download mp3.

This past weekend, my wife directed a production of “You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown.” (Since the production was for our temple, it became, “You’re a Real Mensch, Charlie Brown”—“mensch” being Yiddish for a really nice guy who always tries to do the right thing.)

All the kids did a fantastic job singing the songs and doing their lines. Parents helped out with the scenery, my son did the soundboard and arranged all the wireless microphones, and I did some technical support. It was a real team effort…and it went over really, really well. It was a beautiful show.

For me, the joy of the production was only surpassed by the simple yet profoundly wise “secret of life” conveyed by the “Peanuts” characters that Charles Schultz created and that the play brought to life. Happiness can always be found in the simplest of things—despite all of the difficulties life holds for everyone.

Charlie Brown could never get a kite off the ground, or if he did, it would get tangled in a tree. He would constantly get fooled by Lucy and try to kick a football and fall on his back. Linus was helpless without his blanket.  Even Lucy, although she was always the bully and never the “goat,” was afflicted with unrequited love for Schroeder.  Nevertheless, all the kids could always find happiness in:  

5 kinds of crayons
Catching a firefly and setting it free
Morning and evening…daytime and night time too
Being alone every now and then…and walking home again

And other simple things described in “Happiness Is,” the song that culminates the play.

The song also ends with the lyric: “Happiness is anyone or anything at all that’s loved by you.”

Just knowing that there’s love in the world is enough for a great sense of happiness.

How would you fill in the blank of Happiness is…?   Knowing that happiness is a function of gratitude, what are some of the simple things in your life that you’re most grateful for?   Keep me posted.  

To listen to this week's Monday Morning Mini-Motivation Meeting, click play or download mp3.

I know that title of this blog post may make you wonder if I’ve gone off the  “Pollyanna” deep end.   I DO know that taxes are no fun, and for the record, like most people, I do NOT like organizing things for my accountant and tracking down receipts and all that.

BUT I found a new way to make even the most tedious, anxiety-producing task not only bearable but actually fun.  

In the middle of March I celebrated my birthday and as usual I made sure to have plenty of fun things to do. This year, I went out the night before, I had a nice breakfast outdoors on the day itself, and my wife, my kids and I had plans to go out to dinner with friends that night.

And…instead of avoiding something that I knew I “didn’t like” in order to preserve my day of unbroken fun, I decided that my energy was already up because of my birthday, and I could use that energy to power through.

So between breakfast and dinner, my wife and I did taxes. And yes—it was fun.

We turned on some music, focused with acceptance on what we aimed to get done that day and just dove in.  It was important to me for my wife to have as much fun as me, so whenever we made a bunch of progress, I’d tell her something like, “You know honey, you’re really cute, and I really love working with you.”  Then she’d smile and we would do more.  After a couple hours, and a break, we gathered some of our papers and relaxed outside—it was a gorgeous sunny day and we continued our work on the back porch.

You really can bring a sense of joy and wonder to anything. If I can do it with taxes, you can do it with anything you’re facing that is a challenge. Just keep a couple things in mind:

1. Surround something you don’t like doing with fun, enjoyable things that you do enjoy. Doing taxes after a really nice start to the day, and in anticipation of a fun night out, helped us apply positive, cheerful mindsets to difficult and/or boring tasks—making them a lot less awful.
2. Set a definite, specific and measurable goal for a specific time period.  If you get more done than that, great!
3. If not - keep your perspective—nothing’s life or death.
4. Really focus.   Clear out other distractions such as noisy activity, visual clutter or even familiar workplaces where you might be tempted to multitask.  
5. Surround yourself with good music, healthy food and energizing company.
6. Very important: Celebrate and reward yourself when you complete the work.

So, what are some of the challenges you’re facing right now—especially the ones you’ve been putting off and dreading? Try some of the tips above when you tackle your most onerous tasks. I hope you’ll find that having fun IS the way to get the job done. 

To listen to this week's Monday Morning Mini-Motivation Meeting, click play or download mp3.

Here’s an important yet often overlooked topic as we consider how to increase our income and have less stress and more fun doing it: creating loyal people.
Successful businesses pay a lot of attention to customer service and human resources. But creating people that are loyal to us, as employees and clients, should be in our individual repertoires as well. That’s because, whether it’s on a big-business or personal level, the fact remains the same that it is much easier to retain than create new connections. And once our “peeps” are established, it’s those people who will continue to use our products or services, work hard on our behalf, or connect us to others who will become repeat customers or long-term employees.

To retain these connections and keep them in good shape for the long term, creating loyalty is key. Let’s look at creating loyal employees first:  

A survey by Monster.Com examined the top reasons people stayed at a company. Surprise—money doesn’t show up in the top five! Here’s what people said made them keep on keepin’ on:

1. Being part of a family
2. Feeling valuable as a worker
3. Being treated as an individual
4. Making an impact
5. Having opportunities to learn and grow, in a variety of roles

It seems that the emotional connection between the employee and employer, in which the employee has a sense of their purpose, value and contribution, is essential in creating loyalty.

What about the people who help you in your workplace, as employees or colleagues? Do you have a sense that they are there for you, not just for the money or business connections you may offer, but because working for/with you is satisfying and empowering?

As for creating loyal customers, an article in Business Psychology by James Larsen, Ph.D., Customer Psychology Findings, described a dual approach where businesses need to use both “value-recovery” and “value-added” strategies when customer dissatisfaction occurs. Jargon-free, this means that when s*** happens (and it always does) customers must not only get their money or investment or product back—“value recovery”—but they must also feel as though the problem causing the malfunction of the product or service has been at least addressed, if not totally rectified, by the company. This second step obviously “adds value” when criticism leads to improvement of a product or service, but even a sincere apology can often boost a customer’s estimation of the company’ honesty and integrity. Together, these strategies can turn “disaster into opportunity” by creating a customer who is even more loyal than before.

Again, being treated respectfully, as a human being, and as an individual whose feelings and thoughts are important, emerges as the common denominator in creating loyalty.
It’s pretty easy to get locked in a “me-first” mindset as we strive for greater wealth and achievement in our lives. But when you start to think about all the people that surround each of us, upon whose employee/customer satisfaction we depend for success, a whole new way of doing business becomes clear. It looks like “you first” could be a win-win approach all around, when it creates loyalty that keeps people coming back for more.

To listen to this week's Monday Morning Mini-Motivation Meeting, click play or download mp3.

Today is the day that something fantastic and positive is going to happen.  You’ll look back on today and always remember – that was the day that ‘such-and-such’ happened.

This is not a prediction of fact.  This statement is an offer for an attitude creation.  

What would the day look like if you carried that possibility around with you all day!   What do you have to lose?

Even if you have fears or real concerns that you have to deal with responsibly, and you should, perhaps today is the day that you overcome your fears and concerns in a powerful, new way?

Why don’t we agree that “today’s the day” is a statement worth “trying on” for a day and let’s see what happens.   Please do let me know – I LOVE good news!

To listen to this week's Monday Morning Mini-Motivation Meeting, click play or download mp3.

This week we are going over the Game Plan Worksheet, which is one of the tools I have in my coaching toolbox.   I usually reserve access to those resources for clients only, but since tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, I decided to share a little extra love and offer you access today.   Go to www.jfcoach.com/toolbox and download or print the “Game Plan Worksheet” and then come back  here and listen to the 5 minute audio I recorded to guide you.   Contact me if you have questions about how to use this tool to organize and motivate yourself.  I’d love for you to win big as you pursue your next challenging project!

To listen to this week's Monday Morning Mini-Motivation Meeting, click play or download mp3.